Three Consequences, Three Supremes, Thanks!

Systems. Tangled, complicated, messy systems. I have struggled to understand how the world of early childhood has become so big, so regulated, and so exciting all at the same time. Three consequences of my experience as a learner in this tiny learning community......

The first consequence of learning with a small group was having to be genuinely interested in what early childhood programs look like in different states. My colleagues were forced, by the sheer numbers to learn about what early childhood looks like in Minnesota. I know much more about Louisiana than I ever thought I would. In order to provide feedback to one another, we worked with what we had. 

The second consequence of working in a caring community is the comfort level we have with knowing what we don't know and being able to express that without concern. It would be impossible to have a deep understanding of early childhood initiatives in all fifty states. We don't need to know it all to be effective advocates. Find your strengths and work from there. 

The third consequence is about harmony. It will be imperative for early childhood professionals to sing the same song,  no matter where we live. We need to sing a song that reflect what we know to be true about what kids need, what families need, and what the field of early childhood needs. The three of us have different jobs but speak the same language. Together, we tell a powerful story.

I appreciate the support that I have gotten from this tiny team. Your support makes me feel powerful. Being a Minnesotan helps me feel like a leader.  My goal is to use a body of work, combined with my new learning to be a leading voice in advocating for early childhood programs that provide support and parent education to families. It's time. I'm ready. I am excited to lead. Bring. It. On.

A Long List of Issues

For the next few weeks, I will build a case study and develop a support system for an imaginary family. I have two families I am working with that will serve as inspiration for the class assignment. Both of the families struggle with poverty, unemployment, mental health issues, and lack of support. If either one of the families were to find out they were expecting a baby with special needs, they might just crumble under the weight of the enormity of the situation. Here is a brief outline of the fictitious family you will come to know through the assignments in the next few weeks.

Joe and Ann have been married for two years. Ann has two sons from a previous relationship, ages 10 and 6. Joe has a daughter from his first marriage, she is 4 years old. Joe and Ann live in a remote corner of the county. Joe is underemployed as a picker on an apple farm. The work is seasonal. Ann stays home with the children alone without transportation. They share one cell phone that Joe often takes with him in case his truck breaks down. Ann will deliver a new baby prematurely. Winter is coming and the prospects for employment are dismal.

Tell the Story!

The strategy that I find particularly useful to influence the political will is storytelling. Dr. David Walsh, a friend and colleague of mine has a saying "Who ever tells the story defines the culture" that I use often. The story all over the nation is about large percentages of children coming to school not ready to be there. This story is a tough one for me to swallow. I went to kindergarten in the fall of 1965. I had never been in childcare, I had never been in preschool. On my first day, my mom pointed me in the right direction to the bus stop. She was holding my little sisters hand and had my baby sister on her hip. My big brother and sister were in middle school. I was ready. Every single one of my classmates was ready. Kindergarten was a wonderful place to learn to get along with others, follow a routine, and learn the basics of being a good student. I was ready for kindergarten because kindergarten was designed for a five year old.

In order to move the social, economic, and political will of the country, policy makers tell a story that links the future work force to skills children learn in preschool. Enough of the narrative is true enough to inspire new policies and influence the political will. Undoubtedly there will be intended and unintended consequences of the story. The story has already begun to change kindergarten from a place to learn to learn to a place where learning is measured.

The part of the work that appeals to me is storytelling. Telling the story about what kids need from their early childhood experiences. To tell a story about play, and imagination and their important role in wiring a brain for learning. To tell a story about the kinds of classrooms that kids need and the teachers in them. The kinds of stories that reclaims early childhood for children. I have a body of work and experience behind me now that makes me a force to be reckoned with, a force for children and their parents to advocate for a childhood that children and the adults who love them can enjoy.

Stories Move Policy

I can hardly watch testimonial videos from parents without crying. I get as emotional as they do when they talk about the difference Head Start made, not just in their child's life, but in the family. The stories families tell are the way we evaluate our work. When families have a great experience in our classrooms, they talk about it. Even if the story is not connected to my classroom, I can relate to them and feel validated by them as an early childhood professional. Personally, as a parent, I get choked up because even though my children's early childhood experience as a long time ago now, I remember it as a tender time. I was so thrilled when another teacher saw the uniqueness and wonder in my small child. As a parent, it takes a great leap of faith to drop off a small child with someone else. When it goes well, when a teacher loved my child, he or she became "family" to me.

Parent involvement matters to children. It speaks volumes to children to see parents attending school. School matters and nothing says that more powerfully than making time for it, even as adults. For families, showing up at school to partner with the staff for the best possible outcomes for a child is essential. When we care for the children we share, the early childhood field is strengthened. Partnering with families helps us understand the child and the context of that child's childhood.

I testified in the Minnesota Senate this week. I always carry family success stories with me. Stories help public policy come to life. Stories also inform when policy and practice causes friction. Stories make policy better. Stories connect the work we do in classrooms to the work done in Capitol cities all across our nation.

When we invest in early childhood programs as a way to give children a hand up out of poverty, the dollars are well spent. When we add parent involvement, engagement, or education to the formula, we compound the investment. That's what I told twenty eight senators this week. I know it's true.

Five Years From Now....

In five years, George here will be in first grade. Early Childhood will look very different in the U.S. because of the decisions we make as a nation in the next year. I believe we are on the cusp of making great strides in our investment in early childhood. Fueled by our anxiety about the achievement gap, public opinion is changing towards placing greater value on educating not only small children, but their parents as well.

Most of us agree that Congress is a mess. It's just a year until election day when we will elect a new Senate. In order to look more favorable to constituents, politicians will seek something, anything to work together on to prove to the American people that they can reach across the aisle and govern. I think early childhood is where they will meet. My own Senator, Al Franken was kind enough to ask me and a University of Minnesota researcher to work with his staff to consult on a bill to include parent education as a requirement of a preschool scholarship. I was thrilled.

Finally, you have certainly all heard of Art Rolnick by now. His work has been fundamental in convincing business leaders that an investment in early childhood is an investment in growing the economy because of the rate of return on each dollar invested. Business leaders have noticed and responded. Note the Chamber of Commerce's six action steps listed below, cut and pasted from their own website. Many of us can see the roots of policy we are dealing with today in the action statement. It's time. The situation is ripe for change. I hope the early childhood community is ready! I know I am!

Six Actions the Business Community Can Take

• Support a mixed provider delivery system
• Encourage alignment between the early learning system and the K-12 system
• Promote early learning policies as part of the economic development agenda
• Encourage the inclusion of early childhood data in the statewide longitudinal data system
• Encourage your state to adopt a Quality Rating Information System
• Encourage business organizations and networks to adopt a policy position in support of public investments for effective, high quality early education programs

For more information on action items, as well as a summary of the economic evidence behind investments in early childhood education, please visitwww.uschamber.com/icw.

Nice to Meet You!

I work in a state funded parent education program called ECFE. I love it there, always have from my first experiences their as a mother nearly 29 years ago to today. I see magic happen at ECFE with parents who do better when they know better, with children who see a community of caring adults support them in their journey of childhood. Since the day I enrolled to now, years later as the coordinator, I have embraced an advocacy role. Over the years, I have come to know and work with legislators, policy makers, and parent and provider groups on behalf of early childhood.

A specialization in Early Childhood Public Policy and Advocacy seemed designed for my life. It seems obvious to me that we work with the least likely population to hire a lobbyist. I have been trying to politically organize toddlers for years with no luck. Their parents are sleep deprived and doing what is necessary to get through the day, the list does not often include advocating for better programming. And then, this....

In 2011, I was named the Minnesota Teacher of the Year. I was the first teacher from early childhood to win the award in it's 47 year history. The spotlight was immediate and hot! It seemed like the whole country was talking about early childhood. The field is hungry for advocates who are practitioners. I see lots of research advocates, Art Rolnick, a colleague and friend comes to mind. I see lots of public policy advocate groups at the Capitol on lobby day, Think Small, Minniminds, and the United Way are just a few of the dozens in Minnesota. The world needs practitioners, teachers to have a voice in shaping policy on behalf of small children and their parents. 

Meet Minnesota's Early Childhood Champion, Governor Mark Dayton. I hope to learn how to work more effectively in an arena that values research and policy briefs more than a spectacular finger puppet collection. Sometimes you choose a direction your life will take, sometimes though, life chooses you for a role. Three goals: 

• I am working on a piece of public policy now that would bring a piece of digital media to our preschool screening program. I have much to do and will continue to work on the project.
• I would like to learn all I can about vocabulary, influence, positioning, and policy development from this course. I bring finger puppets and charm to the table, that might not be enough. 
• I would like to get a sense of how early childhood initiatives are rolling out in other states. Looks like I will know much more about Louisiana in eight weeks.          

Life is telling me to advocate my heart out while the whole world seems to be talking about early childhood education. I need to elevate the idea of parent education while the iron is hot. I am ready!

Thank You, Champions!

You have supported me, and I thank you. When I struggled so hard to figure out the new Blackboard system, you were there for me with kind words and suggestions. You are good teachers! When I needed someone to post on their blog early, you did so I could not worry about homework when I was traveling. Friends do that kind of stuff, thank you. When I posted fun pics, you supported me and congratulated me, that meant a lot to me. When frustration knocked me off my feet, you gave me your contact information or reached out to me on my Facebook page. Friends do that, thanks! Even when I was snarky, Melissa reminded me that we are cut from the same cloth. She also helps me translate "Southern English"! 

I hope I have been a good colleague for you too. I have tried to spell your names correctly and hopefully been encouraging to you. I believe we all do very important work on the planet. Together we can elevate the field by elevating ourselves professionally. I hope you have felt that kind of support from me. I have offered my snarky brand of humor when I thought it would help. I have been honest and true. 

I wish for you lots of time outside to play! We live in a beautiful place and I hope that we always take time to enjoy our surroundings. That's my Matt in the background of this picture. He is crazy about me and I am crazy about him. I wish that you all know love, messy, wild, blissy, crazy love. Keep working hard toward your goals. I am excited to see what becomes of each of you. That will mean that we need to keep in touch with one another. 

Katy Smith

Licensed Parent Educator

ECFE Winona

(507) 494-0920

5100 W. 9th Street

Winona, MN

Find me on Facebook!  KatySmithWinona

or Twitter KatyMN12

I am out to make the world a better place for children to grow up. I feel better knowing you are all out there doing the same! If I ever find myself in your neighborhood, I will hit you up for lunch and a great conversation! And if I ever find out that you came to Minnesota without looking me up, you will buy lunch! Be well! Thanks for all you do for children. Don't forget to be nice to yourself too!

So Hard To Say "Goodbye"....

Meet some of the finest people I know,  the Midwest group of the 54 educators who make up the 2012 State Teachers of the Year. We "formed" in January of 2012 for the first of six weeks together as a cohort of teachers representing all teachers in the nation.We took the time to feel each other out and find out who we are as a class. It was magical. It still is. One of the toughest goodbyes of my life happened one year ago in New York City, the last day we would all be together. 

We "stormed" DC during recognition week. We celebrated the naming of the National Teacher of the Year, Rebecca from California as a voice to represent us all. We began to understand each other's passions for the work we all do in classrooms and in our communities. 

We began to feel our strength and play to them during the Education Commission of the States Conference in Atlanta. We were "norming" with the likes of Bill Gates, Governors, and policy makers. We were a powerful, collaborative unit.

By the time we graduated from Space Camp in Huntsville, Alabama, we were out "Performing" many of the teams I have belonged to in my teaching career. We started to "storm" about our lives together after our year of service ended.

We "Adjourned" in a poem. We worked on it individually at first and then, collectively we made something beautiful that represented who we were together as we moved on to saying goodbye to one another. I am a big fan of closure. I need to mark goodbyes with hugs and tears and words that matter. I want people who have been important to me to know they have mattered and that we have mattered.

If I have loved, there is no question, people know it. We are rounding the corner in our Walden journey, at times I allow myself to imagine being done. I will  not miss the work but I will miss the people. The Class of 2012 went to see "Wicked" on Broadway together. I will always think of them when I hear this song....

Reference

Abudi, G. (n.d.) The five stages of team development: a case study. Retrieved from        http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

Meet "Snarky"

A snarky remark, a specialty of mine, landed me in the doghouse with a coworker recently. I will give you this, it was snarky but also funny. This temptation, to gamble with humor, gets me in trouble occasionally. I knew she was mad at me and asked her if she was. She laid it all out for me, intensely, loudly, and with a good deal of emotion.

I went straight to empathy. I wanted her to know that I understood where she was coming from. My remark had triggered some deep feelings in her. I then went to affirmation, listening attentively and whole heartedly.  I took the time to write an apology just in case her heightened emotions got in the way of her hearing my verbal apology. And then, I gave her some space. weekend's worth of space to figure out if the incident was worth our close working relationship. I made it clear that I felt like our relationship was stronger than the incident and offered to talk with her about a resolution whenever she was ready.

I saw my coworker again four days later. She said she wanted to talk to me. She discussed the trigger and her feelings about how she reacted to my snarky remark. She accepted my sincere apology offered that she had over-reacted due to a trigger. We ended up hugging and laughing and knowing more about one another. Friendship, like all other relationships, are complicated at times but so worth the work we put into them.

This weeks resources are a goldmine for helping us all do better in conflict. Good stuff.

Oh, This Girl Can Communicate!

I was always thrilled every spring when we met on the track for gym time. I could run. I could run, fast! Real. fast. I felt the same sense of excitement with this week's assignments. Since I was a very young person, I have known I can communicate.  I would be asked to tell stories to visiting relatives and I remember how great it felt to feel powerful in communication. Many of my interestes throughout my life have reflected my love of communication. I love to

• Read (find me on Goodreads)
• Tell a story (find me at www.facebook.com/KatySmithWinona)
• Play with words (find me on Words With Friends mammakates)
• Provide commentary (find me on Twitter  @KatyMN12)
• Keep journals, letters, notes, recipes (find me on TLC's Hoarders? Nope, just kidding)

If I wasn't a skilled communicator, I doubt I could have survived working in parent education all these years. I communicate in small groups, one on one, and in front of large (and occasionally distinguished) audiences.  I have always loved to talk. Good thing, I do it often! I would love to find my second grade teacher who was so concerned about my verbal skills that she took the time to remark on every report card that "Katy talks ENTIRELY TOO MUCH". I do, and I get paid for it! BOOM!

For those of you have seen my amazing photo at the Smithsonian before, I hope you never tire of it! This weeks assignments reminded me how powerful communication is. I learned that my communication is congruent, consistent in a variety of settings, and effective. 

Resource

O'Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: an introduction. Bedford/St. Martin's

Good Communication Stands the Test of Time!

It was like running into an old college buddy this week to find the Johari Window in our readings! I had used the tool over and over in my work as a chemical dependency counselor years ago to help addicts discover that they were indeed able to change the way people perceived them. We are all in charge of who we are as we present ourselves to the public. We all have much to learn about ourselves when we take the time to listen to how people perceive us. We can learn the most when we explore the person we keep to ourselves. This weeks resources helped me explore the "hidden" messages I keep to myself and the impact they have on the work that I do.

I work with diversity of knowledge, resources, family dynamics, literacy levels, parenting backgrounds, access to technology, among many others. Each of those resources are embedded in a cultures of poverty and wealth. Considering all the diversity we see in public school classrooms in race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, ability, age, income level......it is a wonder that community education even works. We must focus on what we have in common while respecting our differences that make us successful educators. No wonder we sleep so well at night.

Three lessons that were reinforced for me this week to support my journey to be an effective communicator are:

1.

I met Dr. Pedro Noguera this week. I gave him a lot of power due to his impressive credentials and his command of the topic of education reform. I learned to respect that power but not to let it smother my own and found myself engaged in a conversation about parent education with him. We both walked away from the conversation having experienced the role of the teacher and the student. I learned much about code from Dr. Nuguero that reinforced this weeks resources.

2.

I also had the opportunity to meet Dr. Maryanne Wolf. I approached her with assumed similarities, having studied her work and knowing that we has the same passion for reading, hers embedded in a research context, mine in a practitioners context. I was right. We hit it off splendidly! I learned to trust my instincts, especially when they are well informed.

3.

I move from working with adults to working with children seamlessly. This week, I was reminded to appropriately adapt my communication. I believe that as tempting as it may be to engage in adult conversation when adults are present, to always be mindful of what we say, how we say it, and what it means when children are in the room.

In short, be powerful, be warm, and be mindful. Three strategies to help me become more effective as a communicator at work, in the classroom, and in my community.

Reference

S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Communication ala Dunphy!

Not to sound judgmental but I don't watch TV, not the kind for entertainment anyway. I kind of admire people who do and honestly wonder how they find the time. With work, school, and so many books to read, I have time to watch the news and that is it! This assignment gave me the opportunity to watch the first episode of "Modern Family". My daughters gave me the first season on DVD years ago. I knew I would like it and looked forward to watching it when I retire! Now that I have seen it, I want more!!

The show is a little overwhelming, especially without the sound. So many characters and at least three plots going at the same time. I decided to put my focus on the Dunphy family, Parents, Phil and Claire and children, two girls and a boy. What great actors these folks are. They are very expressive! The characters portrayed are warm and loving and yet, highly distracted. Lots of sibling rivalry and chaos in the family. They share their feelings openly, with a hint of sarcasm noted, even with the sound off! Hands thrown up in the air in exasperation, eye rolling, arms crossed, and shoulder shrugging were clues of an emotional situation going on in the family. 

With the sound on, I patted myself on the back for picking up on the non verbals. I was spot on. I rely on my ability to read the non verbal cues parents give me to be a successful teacher. The dialog in the episode enhanced what I suspected. These are witty characters who express themselves equally as well verbally as non verbally! I assumed I would like the mom, her "mom stink eye" is admirable. I commend these actors for the ability to use their bodies, and especially their facial expressions to sell the story as much as the dialog does. I assumed that my daughters were right before I turned the TV on today. I like the show, very much. Now that I want to take in all 12 episodes of "Modern Family", how will I find the time to clean my bathrooms?

A Skilled Communicator

I have always admired the communication style of Hillary Clinton. In her roles as First Lady of Arkansas, First Lady of the US, Senator, Secretary of State, wife, and mother, Ms. Clinton has always been articulate, passionate, and protective.

I have always admired politicians who create and maintain boundaries that allow the public to get to know them but keep a close watch on their personal life. She is warm and friendly. She is smart and well versed in her subject area. I especially admire how cool she is under pressure.

The Senate hearing on Benghazi is a prime example of Hillary under fire yet cool, passionate, and articulate. I sat in awe of how she was able to put Senators in their place with her expertise on the subject. She was not belittling but she was sure. Assertiveness without aggression is a very effective communication skill to possess. I appreciate a role model of assertiveness, especially for women.

Personal boundaries are important to me. Keeping a distinct boundary between my personal and professional life is something I can model after Hillary Clinton. We know her, we know her family, and she protects who she is as a wife and mother. It will be interesting to watch her craft a communication campaign as she decides where to go next in her professional journey. I have no doubt that Secretary Clinton will prove to be a competent communicator. 

A Hope, a Goal, and a Note of Thanks

I hope that when families, no matter what they look like, what language they speak, what God they praise, or who they love will walk into ECFE and find it welcoming and accepting. 

 Supporting early childhood professionals in understanding isms and the harm they do to our society is a goal I can offer. I provide professional development for early childhood professionals all over the state of Minnesota and will create a workshop to assist programs in exploring the issue if isms. Isms need to be confronted.

I look at the poster and think that it could be edited to read "Isms are something you learn, not something you're born with" and I might add a poster to the teachers lounge that reads "Isms are something you teach, not something children are born with". Edgy? Perhaps but becoming uncomfortable is often the first step in change.

Many thanks to my Walden colleagues as we finish another course. I wish you a beautiful school year whether you welcome students to your classroom or send your own children back to school. Education really is a great hope for a socially just world.

Cocos Keeling Islands

The name of the country I chose for this assignment is Cocos Keeling Islands. They are located in the Indian Ocean midway between Australia and Sri Lanka. If I had a new family enrolling in ECFE from Cocos Keeling Islands, I would prepare in the following ways:

1. I would do some research, as I did for this assignment. I would likely start with a Google search, including a Google image search.

2. I would create a Prezi (a presentation format, similar to a power point) to share with the staff about what I had learned. We would brainstorm together our ideas to welcome the family to our program.

3. I would learn a few key phrases in the language of the Cocos Keeling Island people. "Apa kabar?" or "How are you?" is one example of the Trading Malay oral language that the family would recognize.
4. Knowing that the people of Cocos Keeling Islands have had few experiences with outsiders, I would schedule a home visit with the family and include the early childhood teacher.

5. As a staff, we would make our classrooms inviting to the new family by incorporating art, language, photographs, music, and foods that reflect the culture of the Cocos Keeling Islands.

The preparation we do as a staff is beneficial in preventing bias based on ignorance. When we know, for example that the people of Cocos Keeling Islands prefer that we ask for permission to photograph their child, we can avoid a possible uncomfortable situation. The staff feels more competent to serve this family because of the preparations we have made. The family feels more welcome and valued knowing that we have created a space that says "Welcome, we are glad you are here".

Hair on Fire!

Thought I would post while my hair is still on fire. This weeks discussion post felt very personal to me. I thought I might share my daughters story but it is not mine to share and after the discussion thread, I think it would be irresponsible to subject her to bias. So let me tell you this, I am a grown woman who has raised three daughters in my home and about one hundred other children in my heart. Some of them have been gay. I know that because they have felt safe enough to share that with my husband and me. They are welcome in our home, at our dinner table, and at our family celebrations. It saddens me to think of the love that we would have missed if I had made a decision to exclude them from our life because of their sexual orientation.

 I believe that people, educated people who do not see them as equal human beings have never known a friend or relative who is gay. How sad. To subscribe to a moral code or religion that fosters prejudice will never be a church I belong to. I feel like my family has been targeted this week. I feel angry and hurt. I hope that all three of these women will become mothers one day. Two of them will likely raise children in homes with two mommies. My daughter in the picture will likely raise a child with a husband. Any of these young women would be wonderful parents and wonderful, generous members of an early childhood parent group. To assume that they would not diminishes not only their equity but all of ours as well.

I feel so grateful that these three women live in Minnesota. It is a safer place to be than many other states. I am proud of the work that Minnesota has done legislatively on same sex marriage, the civil rights issue of my time. When any one of us thinks less of any other of us, it is discrimination and I will work tirelessly to end discrimination in all it's forms for the rest of my life. I hope I live long enough for the public discussion about LGBT families sounds something like this: "Remember when families were discriminated against because of who they loved? Remember when adults had to hide who they were in fear of being targeted? Remember when folks thought that their own marriages would be threatened by same sex marriages? How silly that all seems now!"

Microaggression and Miley

As a kid, I was afraid of my cousins, Bernie and Bud. They came to for a visit each summer to our lake home. They were older than I was, by eight and ten years. They were very tall and very, very pale. Berny and Bud are albinos. I was most afraid of their eyes. Their iris's were red and their eyes had difficulty focusing, the trembled back and forth. They needed to always stay in the shade to protect their skin so they were never able to swim with us during the day. They kept to themselves, stayed indoors, and read.

My family taught me a clear lesson about being kind to people who are different. Even as a small child, I knew to be polite, not to point, and to save my questions about differences until we were out of earshot from anyone who might be hurt by my questions. I raised my own children with the same values.

Microaggressions are everywhere. In the beauty salon this week, a father told his young daughter not to aspire to be like Miley Cyrus with her "butch-dyke" haircut. In the movie theater today, the audience laughed over and over at albino jokes in the movie "The Heat" with Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock. I wonder if either woman noticed the microaggressions in the script. I am assuming that they need to personally deal with plenty of microaggressions in their lives involving obesity and mixed race families. Then again, maybe because of the personal power each of them has in celebrity and all the perks that accompany that, they may not.

I wonder if the man in the beauty salon would have been so quick to judge a haircut and comment so comfortably if he knew that one of my daughters is gay. I wonder if anyone would have laughed so loudly in the movie theater today had I attended the movie with my cousin, Bud instead of my husband. I also wonder how this weeks readings, reflective time, and personal growth will manifest in the way I handle micro aggressions from now on.

For the record, I am obnoxious about my own microinsults. If I could wear my "I am silently judging your grammar" shirt everyday, I would. I also struggle with fashion challenged folks and believe that I could make the world a prettier place if only people would let me dress them and do their hair. I was raised on a good daily dose of sarcasm and can dish it out with the best of them. My golden rule is this, if I find myself apologizing, I have gone too far. Humor is a slippery slope. I like to think I have mastered the art of a good ribbing but always respect peoples feelings.