Microaggression and Miley

As a kid, I was afraid of my cousins, Bernie and Bud. They came to for a visit each summer to our lake home. They were older than I was, by eight and ten years. They were very tall and very, very pale. Berny and Bud are albinos. I was most afraid of their eyes. Their iris's were red and their eyes had difficulty focusing, the trembled back and forth. They needed to always stay in the shade to protect their skin so they were never able to swim with us during the day. They kept to themselves, stayed indoors, and read.

My family taught me a clear lesson about being kind to people who are different. Even as a small child, I knew to be polite, not to point, and to save my questions about differences until we were out of earshot from anyone who might be hurt by my questions. I raised my own children with the same values.

Microaggressions are everywhere. In the beauty salon this week, a father told his young daughter not to aspire to be like Miley Cyrus with her "butch-dyke" haircut. In the movie theater today, the audience laughed over and over at albino jokes in the movie "The Heat" with Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock. I wonder if either woman noticed the microaggressions in the script. I am assuming that they need to personally deal with plenty of microaggressions in their lives involving obesity and mixed race families. Then again, maybe because of the personal power each of them has in celebrity and all the perks that accompany that, they may not.

I wonder if the man in the beauty salon would have been so quick to judge a haircut and comment so comfortably if he knew that one of my daughters is gay. I wonder if anyone would have laughed so loudly in the movie theater today had I attended the movie with my cousin, Bud instead of my husband. I also wonder how this weeks readings, reflective time, and personal growth will manifest in the way I handle micro aggressions from now on.

For the record, I am obnoxious about my own microinsults. If I could wear my "I am silently judging your grammar" shirt everyday, I would. I also struggle with fashion challenged folks and believe that I could make the world a prettier place if only people would let me dress them and do their hair. I was raised on a good daily dose of sarcasm and can dish it out with the best of them. My golden rule is this, if I find myself apologizing, I have gone too far. Humor is a slippery slope. I like to think I have mastered the art of a good ribbing but always respect peoples feelings.

Culture and Diversity

I interviewed my husband, Matt who is a different gender than I am. He defined culture as "a way of life over a period of time" and diversity as simply, "differences".  I have a new friend, LaQuinta who is African American. She defines culture as the "experiences of those who went before you, the times you live in, and the embodiment of hopes that you have as you raise your own children". She defines diversity as "a spectrum of culture, race, ethnicity, and choices".  I have known Lisa for two years  now. She is a colleague of mine and she is a Mormon. She defines culture as "the lens in which we perceive life formed in traditions, family, and history".  Lisa was hesitant to define diversity because she sees it as something positive and most definitions tend to put a negative spin on the word.

 LaQuinta celebrates her culture by wearing her hair naturally. 

 Lisa celebrates her culture by wearing sacred undergarments. 






Matt celebrates his culture by wearing a special medal around his neck at all times. His grandparents gave it to him. 

The above examples would be outward, or not so outward examples of how the world can get a glimpse of each of their culture. They wear them! If you look below the surface, you can connect each of these customs or rituals to deep culture including values, community connection, and religion.  Each of the examples of the artifacts they wear also indicate that they are not members of the dominant culture as we define it in America. In fact, each example might suggest a discontinuity with the dominant culture for each of them but might symbolize a continuity with the cultures that they identify with. I appreciate their definitions, they mirror mine. I am not at all surprised by that because I believe that culture is one way we connect to one another whether we know it or not. 

Killer Lipstick

My first inclination is to just leave, with nothing but each other. I have walked away from so many situations with just the shirt on my back that I find myself a grown woman with little sentimental attachment to things. For the sake of the assignment, I would grab my laptop, my ipod, and a killer lipstick.

My laptop is full of pictures, most of them documenting the last four years of my life but also pictures that have been important enough to me to scan or share with others on my blogs or my Facebook account. Pictures stir memories and memories are important to me. My laptop also serves as a file cabinet of sorts. It has lots of information that might come in handy if there is any hope of other survivors on the planet.

My ipod is full of motivating music. I generally add music that inspires me in some way to exercise, to clean the house, or to get out of a funk. My family counts on me to be the optimist, the cheerleader and music fills my soul. I have included a Spotify playlist to get your survival game on. I hope it motivates you to do that something that you need to do. I have songs of courage, of despair, and songs of love. Enjoy!

Katy's Survival Playlist

When my best friend in the whole world lost her daughter in a car accident, I wondered how either of us would get through the very immediate future which included writing an obituary, planning a funeral, and burying her sixteen year old in the ground. When we stood at the graveside, after the service, she asked me what she was supposed to do now, I told her "put on a little lipstick and get on with it". We have said that hundreds of times in our long friendship when we needed to just keep moving. The reality of life is this, it is all about getting back up after you have been knocked to the ground. 

I would feel challenged by the thought of just keeping one thing. I know myself. I know how strong I am. I have beautiful memories and a head full of songs. It's not the stuff that connects you to culture, it is in how you live your life. I would carry with me resilience, persistence, tenacity, and optimism on the new leg of life's journey. I would be making the journey with my husband by my side. In the end, I would take the lipstick. The world looks better to me when I call on the survival skills given to me because of the family culture that is uniquely my own. To face the challenge, I will "put on a little lipstick and get on with it". 

Happy Summer Walden Friends!